leave your dreams behind

Monday, July 31, 2006 ♥ 11:24 PM

i love sa danceeee ((:
yay
and i'm so glad that people actually appreciate us and actually see the effort we put in.
(:
the email that jilyn sent was really encouraging (:
for all the dancers who read this,
GAMBATTE!!!
we'll totally rock the house on friday man
leave the crowd wanting MORE MORE MORE from sa dance.
whoohoo

that was so random, but i felt like i had to say it.
all the negative feelings i had were all of a sudden DISPELLED.
not totally, but at least i'm not thinking so much bout it anymore.

and i cant cant cant wait for rapture this friday!!!!!
:D

and i think this was rather cuute. hahaha. i like my eyes like thattt.
maurine, shijie and amanda (:

RAPTURE RAPTURE RAPTURE

Sunday, July 30, 2006 ♥ 9:19 PM

Everywhere I go
Every smile I see
I know you are there
Smilin' back at me
Dancin' in moonlight
I know you are free
'Cause I can see your star
Shinin' down on me

goodnessgraciousgoodnessgracious
OH MAMAMAMMAMAMAM.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOMGOMGOMG!!!
RAPTURE IS IN LIKE FOUR DAYS!!
FOUR DAYS!
FOUR DAYS!

haha
time to panic.

but then again,
i know it'll turn out alright in the end
i know it'll be beautiful.
i know it'll be all that we want it to be.

because i know that we've all practiced so hard
so hard that the skin on our feet comes off, so hard that some of us broke down, so hard that tears and blood seem to blend together and we cant feel the pain anymore.
and i know that all the hard work will pay off.
even if our costumes drop off on stage and even if we fall
we'll still make RAPTURE an event that will live up to its expectations.

these few weeks have been nothing short of EAT SLEEP DANCE REPEAT
but i like it!! ((:
i think i'm mad but i prefer dance so much to facing up to the fact that i've to study.

oh wells
cant wait for next week.
even though this week just ended.

CAP
was such a waste of time
okay, not totally.
esther mel and i finished two floors so super fast.
ahhaha.
at least we managed to talk a bit to two households

HEHHEH.
okay off i go.
and i still feel as inadequate as ever.

hahaha. cuteness

Thursday, July 27, 2006 ♥ 9:40 PM

just felt like putting this up.
doesnt lydia looks like she's being bullied by sara and i!!! hahaha.
so retarded.

damn tired from dance.
TOTALLY exhausted.
emotionally and physically.

and this.
i miss my short hair.

and the beautiful sc dance studio.
never appreciated it until i've experienced what its like dancing on concrete, without mirrors and constant lack of space

this is the dream.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 ♥ 7:38 PM

service learning today!
was quite fun, besides the fact that it was blazing hot.
and that the places we went were quite dirty.
but I SHALL NOT COMPLAIN cos i think i'm really too spoilt for my own good.
seeing the elderly lead such hard lives even in their prime years made me think.
and i feel so ashamed of what has become of us these days.
they're so contented with whatever they have!! and what they have is the BARE MINIMUM.
fulfilling cos i saw them smile.
see their eyes light up when they start to talk about their past, glad that they have someone to interact with.
there was this couple that really touched my heart.
he got married to her when he was nineteen and she was twelve so that she wouldnt be captured by the japanese shits and be ruthlessly raped by them. and they're still so loving up till now!! (: he's 84 and she's 75.

such love.

ate hip hop icecream for the first time.
ahah it wasnt that great laaaa.

and the whole time i kept thinking bout something else and kept trying to push it to the back of my head. but it didnt work.

went to eat at suntec with kenneth sean indra and desi.
went to shop and i wanted the melissa shoes but they didnt have my size in BLACK or WHITE!
so annoying
liked the green but three of us figured it'll be damnnn hard to match.
dammit.
bought two PRETTTY **** ((:
dra was so cute.

then went to ps to catch THE LAKEHOUSE.
if you were to ask me, i'd say it was a damn waste of timee..
its so impossible!
he actually died but at the ennd of the movie he was alive.
quite dumb.
and the entire movie was so confusing.
and it didnt help that we were sitting in the front row PLUS it was soooo cold my hands went kinda numb
(partly cos i was sitting on them!! haha)

okay shall go away to do miss k;s work now.
and pw.
and gp.

go amanda go.

oh wait!!
results!!!!!

chinese- A
gp- C
econs- E (quite proud of this one!!!)
lit- C (this one was darn unexpected)
math- U (HAHA)
geog- D (thank God. i failed human but i still managed to pass with a D overall. thank God)

rapture is incredibly soon
kinda worrying!!

k then.
toodles peeps.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 ♥ 12:09 AM

break me up
into pieces
leave me like that
don't bother trying to fix me up
because it'll never EVER be the same.

fuck you.

why can't i be normal?

Sunday, July 23, 2006 ♥ 8:56 PM

today was a really tiring day.
but i dont dread it.
i dread coming home cos i've to study and do homework.
yucks i've no life at all.

its like
eat sleep dance STUUDYYY repeat.
but i think its worth it.
for sa dance, i think it worth it.
there are so many reasons why i dance.

char had birdshit thing in her hair today.
and she was trying to touch people with it! that strangeperson.
ahha.
and all the people at commonwealth food centre were so weird.
there was this retarded guy (literally) who came up to us and saying things like he was sorry he killed so many people and that he was some commander thingg.
but oh wells
if it was a story, it'd have been sad.

i need to study damn hard for promos.

my sevens!! ((:

this photo makes me smile like no other.

off to bathe then do homework.
man man.

Saturday, July 22, 2006 ♥ 9:51 PM

my wonderful sevens. the most amazing people in the world ((:

had sara'a surprise party yest!! it was super retarded! hahah. i rushed from dance straight to sara's house and i thought i was damn early. so i sat on the pavement. waited, waited, waited. and finally, after twenty mins of waiting and stoning and thinking, i decided to call shuen. then she didnt pick up. so i called ruth. ryl. lyd. and then finally diane. and she picked up and said that they were inside.
bet the security guard thought i was an idiot. ahha.

anyhoo.
sara came and she was soooo apprehensive. and she was like
who's there? ahahha.
then when she DISCOVERED US (from where we were hiding at the foot of her bed) she was soooo surprised and she actually cried.
ahahhaha.
cuteness!!

emo emo emo.

so we trooped upstairs and ate pizza.
waited waited waited for LYDIA!
ahhaha. and in the meantime just talked a lotta shit.
see the problem with us is that we dont meet enough.
and thats why all of us have so many things to say.
and thats why its so hard to get everyone's attn.
ahahha.
sevens oh sevens.

poor ryl.
she has really unglam shots!!!
but its okay cos we're all so used to it ((:

lydia came
and we cut the cake!! ahah.
sara cant cut cakes for nuts.
ahahah.
then we made her play treasure hunt to search for her presents.
and she was delighted when she found them.
it came in three parts.
and we ran away when we kinda blinfolded her and told her to stretch her hands out at the back.
ahahhaha.
so retarded!!
but it was soo cute

so then we played the number game.
lyd had to eat tomatoes.
oooo man.
should have seen her face.
indescribable man.

then we went outside to the pool (:
and talked even more.

then diane had to go.

talked somemore.

reminisced somemore.

and all 7 of us really miss sc.

and i miss them so much!!!
there's just too little time left.
and it doesnt seem right cos it feels like we've been together all our lives.
but i thank God for these six people cos they contribute alot to my being.
(((:

shu the camerawhore.
who's scared of VODKA!
diane the SEXY MAMA.
the small white one
ryllie
the small black one
ruthie the boy magnet. and serial heartbreaker
the tall(er) black one
sara powderpuff
the best best dancer and the most retarded
lydia the BLURQUEEN.
dabuisai.

TODAY!
watched pirates of the carribean (dead man's chest) with keish veeks and kris.
the show was really good!!! hahaha.
I LOVE JOHNY DEPP AKA JACK SPARROW AKA CAPTAIN SPARROW!!!!
ahhhhhh.
he's the hottest man on earth
with the eyeliner and all.
and corn rolls.
and oh sa SAVVY ((:
didnt quite like the ending though.
they didnt show him thats why.
and i dont like endings that arent endings.

LETS WAIT PATIENTLY FOR NUMBER THREE.

cant wait cant wait!!
andthecreditsweredamn looong
and the dog was so cute.
and orlando bloom's back was nice ((:
and the ugly things were really fugly- which makes thhe movie kinda scary

my NINEDOLLARSANDFIFTYCENTS well spent

dancing has never been this tiring
but satisyfing at the same time.

13 more days to go.

then its

RAPTUREE!!!! ((: yay.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006 ♥ 11:19 PM

OKAY ROXANNE LIAO YITING. this is for you. and you alone.
:D
ROXANNE LIAO IS THE MIGHTIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD BECAUSE SHE SO WILLINGLY SPENT THE LAST TWO HOURS OF MY BIRTHDAY WITH ME.
THANK YOU ROXANNE!!!!
I'LL LOVE YOU FOR LIFE ((:

Monday, July 17, 2006 ♥ 9:42 PM

FRIDAY.
went for SC DANCE CONCERT DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME after dance ended.
cabbed down with kris
met jingyu, her friend, clarice, her two friends, ryl and ruth and lyd.
I LOVED THE CONCERT!! it was so professional and sooo chilling.
sc dancers never fail to live up to expectations.
and thats why i feel so proud when i say that i'm from sc dance ((:
you guys really deserve the utmost recognition!! (:

okay so after that
lyd was supposed to send me home
and on the way, she asked whether she could borrow stockings.
so i told her to come up to look.
and she brought me up.
AND GUESS WHAT!!!
my beloved sara shu and di were in my room!! with it all done up and there was this cuuuute happy birthday thing stuck across the room! then they were like SURPRISE!!
oh my.
thats the MOST WONDERFUL SURPRISE I COULD EVER GET.
i LOVE THEM SOOOOO SOOO SOOOOO MUCH.
like hell man.
i cant live without them.
and then ryl and ruth came!!
drank strawberry meiji milk, ate ruth's mango pudding and of course the delicious cake and the canned fruits.
hahah.
I LOVE YOU PEOPLE.
really made my entire year.
and i thank God for each and everyone of you cos you guys are so amazing.

had to blog bout that.
for once in an extremely long time,
a happy post has surfaced my blog.

and thanks for everyone who made my birthday so special.
including the sa dancers who were sooo sweet on saturday.
spent the entire day with them cos of dance.
thought i'd hate it, but i didnt!! ((: love them too.

got this in an email.
its kinda cuute. we're apples!! now i know marianne's thing makes sense

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are
at the top of the
tree.

The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're
afraid of
falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples
that are
on the ground, that aren't as good, but easy.

So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with
them, when
in reality, they are amazing.

Sunday, July 16, 2006 ♥ 10:31 PM

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

-hide and seek, imogen heap.

Thursday, July 13, 2006 ♥ 9:44 PM

school today was just like any other day.
just that we got back our chinese and half a lit paper so far.
not bad for both (:
not GREAT or whatever
just not too bad.

veeks wini maureen shijie doublejun and i went down to ikea to look at shoe rocks
was quite a wasted trip cos it was like sooo expensive.
and i had cramps from squishing together with the rest in kris car
at least we had a ride!
therefore, i shall not complain.

corinne's dance is reallyyy reallly nice.
just that the fan just wont open.
so stiffish.
and then suddenly, IT BROKE.
ahhahah.
and cheryl was sooo shocked when it came apart cos she was holding it
and both of us just stood there and stared at the fan for like three seconds
one of those moments where i felt time stop amidst so much movement.
rather cool.
hhaha

excused myself from pe today.
hope it doesnt become a habit.

SC DANCE CONCERT TMRW!!!!! I AM SOOO DELIGHTED ((((:
as i was saying,
i miss everything about sc.
the adrenakine rush with the rest backstage when the lights came on on stage.
the quiet prayers
i remember vividly the image of us holding hands, asking God for grace and mercy to be upon us.
i remember telling each other to smile.
and that was perpetual.
but we would anyways- once we were on stage.

these things i remember.

♥ 12:15 AM

saw the commendation rehearsal today
kinda scaryy.
they look like ghosts.
and winstons.
and party members.
uniformity and all that crap

anyways
its makes me depressed

and yes, it HURTS.
so STOP IT.

i have a strong urge to shout vulgarities
but for now,
that urge can still be restrained.
and so it shall.

plus today was supposed to be a happy day.
guess it didnt turn out right.
doesnt it always?

at least i had lydiaTOHHHH to go for dinner with me
and talking to justin on the way to bishan was amusingg.
he made me say a tongue twister kinda thing
and my 'FELT SMART' became 'SMELT FART'
haha.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 ♥ 9:14 PM

exams are finally over.
thank God (:

there are things
suffocating, choking
me.

each and every day

sometimes i think i'm ready to give up
call it quits

think i'm a loser?
yea probably
i think so too
isnt as easy as it seems.
and

OMG should go and look at yourself in the mirror
dont even live up to standards man.
its pathetic, disgusting.

and i was so looking forward to sc dance concert this sat with the sevens and rice and jingyu and all.
I WISH WE DIDNT HAVE TO LEAVE SC.
it'd have been so much easier.

went to lydia's hse to help her and racho with choir things.
and i realised that
maybe we all feel the same
and maybe i should move on.
but its so hard when everything keeps reminding me of the past
the past that will never return.

Sunday, July 09, 2006 ♥ 8:17 PM

photoshoot yest and ipho today.
photoshoot was quite funn.
but it'd have been even more fun if there werent exams to fret over.
today as well..

but i thought we did much better than rehearsal.
and we took pictures with ABSOLUTELY cute guys from spain.
TORRES (:
hahah.
they said mei nu, chio bu and WE AI NI to us.
and it really made me happy when people said we danced really well.
(:
and the food was yummy.
ahha.

okay.
tmrw's geog.
wonder how i'm gonna finish studying.
think i'll just end up readin throughh.
there freak isnt anytime left.
which means i'm gonna fail math as well.
oh wells.

and i'm a person who doesnt know how to let go.
or rather,
dont wanna let go.
so DONT DO THIS TO ME.

Thursday, July 06, 2006 ♥ 10:53 PM

watched just my luck with keish veeks and kris today at cathay after ipho full dress.
the movie was er.
SO POINTLESS.
but i loved the company.
and the full dress was such a disaster.
rolling around in the spit of ac band people was no joke.
not in the very least bit funny/amusing.

and i realised that

the feelings i once had
cease to exist anymore.

and i really dont care about anything in the world now.
i know i used to.
but i've stopped.
its meaningless.
at least for now.

shutting myself out from the world and everyone and everything in it seems to be what i do best nowadays.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006 ♥ 9:00 PM

chinese oral and gp today.
felt like my essay was so shallow and lacked insight
wonder what the examiners will think.

and chinese oral was just horrendous.
and i mean it
like
HORRENDOUSLY HORRENDOUS.
the WORST oral i've ever been through
but what can i do now?
its all in God's hands (:

and i've a sudden urge to kick and throw things around, scream vulgarities at the top of my voice (like winston!!)

Monday, July 03, 2006 ♥ 2:04 PM

oh man
they're freaking doing reno upstairss.
cant study with the drilling noises.
sooo annoying.
but
maybe i shant care too much cos i think i'm gonna fail everything anyways.
hahah.
mannn.
was at chinese tuition this morning with lyd.
and this freaking annoying girl kept reading like some kinda machine. like she just goes on and on and on and on and on, never realising that there are actually COMMAS AND FULLSTOPS.
dumbass.
both of us were annoyed like hell!!
ahahha
anyways.
went to wisma after that
lyd's such a fickle thing.
bought new school shoes to replace the precious converses that i lost.
wanted to get this fcuk top. popartish. but then it had a naked woman on it
hahaha.
TOO PROVOCATIVE for typical conservative singaporeans i suppose.
its JUST ART!
hhah.
and on the way home, there was this gril whoh was squabbling with her boyfriend.
ahahaha.
SO CUTE.
he tried to hold her hand
but she SNATCHED IT AWAY AND SAID.
'MY HAND'S NOT JUST FOR ANYONE TO HOLD, OKAY!!"
AHAHA.
you go girl (:
totally made my day.
but people must have thought i was mad cos i was chuckling to myself at the bus stop.

as usual.

love amusing myself.

haha.

these two pictures speak so much for themselves.
loveeeeeeee these four people (:

Saturday, July 01, 2006 ♥ 11:08 AM

i am suchhhh a muddle head.
i wasnt even aware of dance today.
and i was the ONLY ONE.
and the worst thing was that mrs chia said there was dance today for us to try out the costumes.
and clever me mistook it for next saturday.
GRAWR.
i hate myself for being so stoned sometimes.
meeps.
dont know what mrs chia would do to me mans.
lets just wait and see.

right now, i'm just extremely traumatized.